Bye Weeks Suck
It’s not a secret that the Buffalo Bills community has become fractured over the past few weeks. Since the Tennessee win, we’ve been subjected to piles of injuries, penalties and arguments, namely centered around Sammy Watkins being soft (he’s not), should future Cowboys Hall-of-Famer Matt Cassel have stayed in town (no), and if Rex Ryan should be fired because seven games is absolutely enough time to judge (LOL no).
But Sunday was a chance to put all that behind us and move forward. At 3-4, the Bills sit tied for 8th in the AFC, one game behind the Raiders and Jets and a half game behind the Steelers for a Wild Card berth. Conveniently, the team tied with Buffalo is the Miami Dolphins, a South Florida-based franchise that now has a gym bro for a coach and a still-confusing nickname for the masses (Maim the Mammal, peeps). So this Sunday is once again game day at the Ralph, a big one if this team has hope for the postseason. In the meantime, November 1st was a catch-up day (OR KETCHUP DAY IF YOU LOVE CONDIMENTS HAHAHAHASHAHA!!1!!11). Here’s what I learned not glued to the television:
- I have a family. They are good.
- Leaves are the worst. They fall and blow and offer no redeeming qualities other than color for people 11 days a year get to look at and admire because OMG the green thing done turned yella!
- It’s hard to sit in church without having that song “Take Me To Church” playing in your head the whole time. Which is weird, of course, because I was already at church and had brought a bunch of people there...anywho, don’t sin.
- Deadspin looks weird without some tailgate people breaking their .24 BAC bodies through a folding table. Here’s hoping someone nails a 450 splash off a mobile home this weekend and splatters guacamole all over the spectators.
- We could have Rob Ryan, who isn’t a good coach at all and is actually a wolf with a weird fetish for diner menus.
- We could also have Buddy Ryan, who I am told was good but is now too old and would have been a typical hire of late, great absentee landlord Ralph Wilson.
- Boy CNBC had a bad week.
- Cooking is hard.
- I miss the Buffalo Bills.
And that’s the real point of this. The Bills are our team, through thick, thin, semi-thinness and medium thickness. We disagree on how Sammy’s leg feels, or why the hell won’t Rex blitz more, or if Gilmore is Elite™. We get pissed at each other on Facebook and Twitter, and get even angrier when it’s a Pats fan telling us how bad we suck. But that’s the whole thing, right? This team is what unites us as a Bills family. 72,000 of us will be in the parking lots and seats of RWS, and hundreds of thousands of us will gather in the houses, bars, and backyards watching and listening the beloved hometown boys lead us to victory. Bills fandom is unique and trying. But be honest…we wouldn’t have it any other way.
Maim the mammals.