91 Reasons Steven Stamkos Should Come To Buffalo
Here at 716 Sports Podcast, we like to consider ourselves ambassadors for our city and its sports teams. With the Sabres season over, general manager Tim Murray is likely frenetically working the phones and running draft simulators to try to establish his off-season strategy. While he is working furiously to see his greatest plan come to fruition, we thought we’d give him a bit of a break and do some selling on his behalf.
Steven Stamkos is all swank and suited up in the press box, watching Jonathan Drouin light up the Red Wings. With each point Drouin scores, Stamkos is watching dollar signs fly away. He could probably use a distraction, or a reminder that his value is not diminished – at least in the eyes of a certain bordertown fandom. Without further ado, 716 Sports Podcast presents:
1.) We will pay you. A lot of money.
No one here is underestimating the value of your abilities. We know what you’re worth and we’ll pay you all of it. Like Terry Pegula is fond of saying, “I’ll just dig another well!”
2.) Millions of American dollars.
Not that strange, colored Canadian stuff (which is only worth .79, anyway.) Greenbacks. Lettuce. Piles of it. And no $2 coins, either – we’re not weirdos.
3.) You can rip a slapshot from Canalside and hit Canada.
We’re so close to home, but better. You won’t need to navigate the QEW or sit in tight Toronto traffic. Buffalo’s average commute is, like, 20 minutes. That’s not even enough time to grow to hate sportstalk radio callers.
4.) Lower cost of living.
Not only will we give you a mountain of cash that is far more valuable than any purple currency, you won’t have to spend as much to live here. Lower housing costs, lower taxes, lower stress on your bank account.
5.) You can play wherever you want.
I know you’ve struggled in Tampa with positioning this season, and we were sad to see that happen. We don’t have the rigid line assignments of other coaches – in fact, our coach can’t decide where anyone should play and moves people all over. Want to try defense? No problem. Wherever you feel comfortable.
6.) You don’t have to play with Nazem Kadri.
Seriously - do you really want to watch that fool diving like Louganis every time someone comes near him? No. You don’t.
7.) You won’t be the market’s focus.
For 2/3 of your season, no one cares. Fans, media – they’re all focused on the Bills. You have more than 40 games to get a feel for your teammates and find your groove before anyone even notices.
8.) The media’s not good.
By and large, they’re too busy arguing with out-of-market writers, in-market callers, each other, the wall, and random inanimate objects to be too critical of your play.
9.) No Damien Cox.
That guy sucks, right?
10.) The fans are pretty good.
Have you seen the trainwreck that are the Maple Leafs fans recently? People were throwing sweaters on the ice. Sweaters! Imagine someone else’s stinky shirt floating down and landing on you. No one wants that. Luckily, we save all of our indiscriminate outbursts for podcasts. No throwing stuff here.
11.) The food is pretty good.
Two words. Chicken Finger Sub.
12.) The beer is EXCELLENT.
Top notch beer brewed fresh a block away. A proper pint might run you $6. That’s what you’ll pay for a Labatt in Toronto.
13.) Tim Horton’s
Yeah, we have them here. EVERYWHERE. Including one less than a block from the First Niagara Center.
14.) Full access to the Pegula family yacht.
I mean, I assume. TPegs seems like the kind of guy that would allow for that type of thing.
15.) A clever goal call from Rick Jeanneret.
You’ll get your own unique callout every time you score a goal. Stamkos coast-to-coast? Stamgoals? A hammer from Stammer? I don’t know. RJ is better at it than I am.
16.) No one in Sabres history has ever worn #91.
As soon as you step on the ice, you’ll be making history. HISTORY.
17.) You could eat a hot dog from Rob Ray’s pocket.
I mean, I assume. Razor seems like the kind of guy that would allow for that type of thing.
18.) If you come to Buffalo, we’ll sing the Canadian anthem before every game.
Just for you, to honor your hometown. Because we like you that much.
Please be sure to come back for Part 2 w/ reasons 19-36 from Justen Ehrig!
Check out our latest episode featuring @BradleyGelber from BuffaloWIns.com
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