37.) We gave Terrell Owens a key to the city!
T.O. was a washed up WR when he signed, imagine what we’ll do for one of the NHL’s top goalscorers.
38.) Party with the Ryan boys!
Your new biggest fans (see what I did there?) are Rex and Rob Ryan, Buddy Ryan’s twin large adult sons and the head coach and defensive assistant head coach (or whatever) of the your favorite NFL team, the Buffalo Bills. They’ll be watching you from the stands while wearing XXXL #91 jerseys and will take you out on the town after the game!
39.) You’ll get to know ALL of your teammates.
Thanks to Dan Bylsma’s strict policy of never keeping a line together for more than one game, you’ll have the chance to skate on a line with each and every one of your teammates, and half of the Rochester Americans.
40.) You’ll be famous, unlike in Tampa.
Those Florida people are too busy, like, going to the beach or whatever to pay attention to hockey. We love our hockey here, so you’ll instantly be one of the most well-known guys in town.
41.) But we won’t be dicks about it, unlike in Toronto.
Sure, we love hockey, but we don’t pretentiously call ourselves “the centre of the hockey universe,” and our media market has never been described as a “pressure cooker.” Score some goals, visit kids at Roswell Park occasionally, and we’ll love you forever, no matter what Jerry Sullivan and Mike Harrington say about you.
42.) Our weather is exciting and interesting!
Day after day of 75 degrees and sunny must get really boring. Come to Buffalo, where if you don’t like the weather, just wait 15 minutes and it’ll change!
43.) Deer just come right up to you in your backyard.
I mean, if you’re into hunting and stuff, just visit Jim Kelly’s house and there will be deer to shoot. This approach worked with Mario Williams, so we’re just covering our bases here.
44.) Markham, Ontario is 1 hr, 55 min away.
If you need Mom’s home cooking, it’s just a straight shot up the QEW to your hometown. Of course, with the money you’ll be making, you can take a private jet north, like your new teammate Evander Kane did for the NBA All-Star Game. Just make sure you wake on-tine for practice the next morning!
45.) We’re basically Canada anyway
Buffalo gets some of the highest TV ratings in the US for hockey, and Labatt and Molson are basically considered domestic beers here, so you’ll feel right at home.
46.) Cheap real estate
Buffalo is a great place to buy an amazing house for a fraction of what you’d pay in most other cities. Ask Ryan O’Reilly, who bought Tyler Myers’ old place in Parkside for $1.3 million. Basically, get one of the nicest houses in Buffalo for the price of a decent apartment in NYC or Toronto.
47.) Once you come here, you’ll never want to leave
Former Bills and Sabres live all over the area. From Jim Kelly and Thurman Thomas to Jay McKee and Martin Biron, once you’ve suited up for a Buffalo team, you’re part of the family even after you retire.
48.) Old School Stories
At this year's Sabres alumni dinner you can hear Gilles Hamel talk about that sweet goal he had against Boston in the 84-85 season
49.) Again, Jack Eichel and Sam Reinhart will be your teammates
Once more, with feeling. We really can’t stress this enough. Maybe Bylsma will put you guys on a line and you can start setting scoring records.
50.) The Letter Z(ed)
We understand the difference between Z and Zed and we’re cool with it.
51.) Exchange Rate
If you stand at the foot of Hertel ave. in Buffalo you can wave American dollars at your Canadian brethren and yell “Exchange Rates Matter!!!”
52.) Ice Time Matters
Barry Melrose will never be the head coach of the Buffalo Sabres
53.) Home Ice
Your first game in a Sabres sweater won’t be in the Czech Republic.
54.) Birthday Parties
October 28th 2017 Jack Eichel doesn't need a chalked ID to enjoy a beer in Buffalo. Remember your 21st birthday party? Time to relive some memories.
Be sure to tune in to parts 4 and 5 that are coming VERY soon!