We've all heard the big news - GMTM and T-Pegs are prepared to offer former Tampa Bay Lightning center Steven Stamkos 12 MILLION CLAMS a season to come hockey for the blue and gold. Everyone has weighed in on whether it's a good idea or a bad idea or an OK idea; opinions are like...well...you know. We here at the 716 Sports Podcast have been the leading edge to get 91 into the Buffalo history books. At midnight tonight, NHL general managers can begin to talk with a free agent's representation, and so there is no better time to present our final episode of "91 Reasons Steven Stamkos Should Come To Buffalo."
73. Butter Lambs! They are buttery and look like a lamb? Have you ever seen or heard of such a thing? Right? They don’t have that in Toronto (probably). And Stamkos is probably Polish, so go to the Broadway Market and mingle with your (probable) people!
74. You already know to avoid towns with a ‘W’ in the second to last syllable! We’ve made it easy for you. There is zero reason to ever visit Lackawanna, Tonawanda or Cheektowaga. Just trust us!
75. The Buffalo Destroyers! It’s like the Argonauts, but instead of playing inside a dome, they play in a super small dome. Hey, that’s where you will play too! I’m going to look up the sched…ooooohhhhhh…uh, let me get back to you on this.
76. Chain restaurants! And they are way better than Swiss Chalet! We have at least four different chains, including Applebee’s, where you can eat good in the neighborhood!
77. Carl Paladino! He doesn’t apologize for anything and you will definitely be cooler and more popular than him, so feel free to start brushing up on the First Amendment, because that’s your new gravy boat!
78. Hospitals! Unlike Tampa or Toronto, we have honest to goodness hospitals that don’t have lines for old people or socialized healthcare! That’s pretty nifty, in my opinion, even though you won’t get hurt and have anymore ribs removed (pleasepleasepleaseplaseplease)!
79. Niagara Falls International Airport! A majestic tribute to modern architecture, this hidden gem is located on Niagara Falls Boulevard so you don’t even really need to remember a dumb address like Bay Street! And it has cheap prices as long as you don’t have luggage and want to go to Naples (Florida)!
80. Basically everyone in the division is in Florida or Canada already! So why bother? You don’t have to live in either of those places, but you can still visit (if you want to live in Canada, then ok that’s cool too)!
81. Doug Allen will sing at your birthday party! Now, he only knows two songs, and neither is Happy Birthday, but still…imagine a rousing rendition of The Star Spangled Banner before you blow out the candles (please do not blow out the candles before he points at the cake)!
82. We pretended to be New York City in that brief part of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie trailer! I know! The 33 finally got some shine. And you can drive on it, too! We can close it if you want to drag race Evander sometime!
83. Above ground pools! Way more convenient than those dumb ones in the ground, the above ground pool is a true sign of awesomeness here! And it’s usable for almost an entire two-season cycle!
84. If you and I ever were together at the express checkout line at Wegmans, I will totally let you budge! Looks like you only have some almond milk and a sixer of Alexander Keith’s, my man. Nah its fine, you go ahead. For real! I insist. You have a good day too!
85. We can come up with a new nickname! Stammer or Stamer is cool and all, but new beginnings call for a new image. May I suggest Steve the Sniper? Or how about Steve the Best Hockey Player?! That’s pretty good!
86. Tim Horton’s! This is a local café and bake shop that started in Buffalo and is only in Buffalo and is important! We retired the founder’s number, too! Buffalo!
87. Lots of local colleges! Canisius, Niagara, St. Bonaventure, Medaille, Daemen, Buffalo State, SUNY University of Buffalo at Amherst near Canada but not in Canada since Buffalo 14226 College of Education…they are all great!
88. Chicken wings! Did you know that before 1960, chickens didn’t have wings? Crazy! But now they do, and it’s all thanks to the ingenuity of the Nickel City! All modern chickens have them, and it makes the world a little bit tastier!
89. It’s a simple drive to Rochester and Syracuse! There are so many gems on the I90 with famous people from there, like George Eastman and Jim Boeheim and probably a whole bunch of others, I bet!
90. Bunch of old buildings that now have lights and stuff on them! Hey Steve, quick question for you…what should we do with this abandoned grain silo? How about paint some beer logos or shine some lights on them?! Boom! Problem solved, plus they can still put grain in there. Or all of your money and Hart Trophies!
91. We really want the Stanley Cup! Like, a lot! Our entire sense of self-worth as a community is basically dependent on you coming here and winning big. This is not an exaggerated statement. Please. Steve. Steven. Stamkos. Kos. Come here. Please.